How am I doing?

Does anyone really care? The last year has been a journey marked by death, sorrow, depression and often joy. I did not think that losing my Dad would affect me so much. After all, I was prepared. I had expected it. I was at peace with the thought of Dad dying. Dad and I talked about death a lot. We accepted it as natural. We did not fear it. We both wondered what it would be like, if there was an after life? The typical questions most of us have. He was tired of living and I understood.  Unfortunately, the best parts of our life are in our earlier years, when you live more fully.  The final parts of life, are simply less fun. 

Dad would say, that when you got old, you were like an old family dog. Everyone expecting you to die any day and somewhat in the way. The family knows your old, not much fun to talk too, and not the one invited to do things with.  You can't move very well or engage in conversations you know little about.  I see my self following in his foot steps. It's only natural, but still not a future I look forward too, even if I inch closer to that reality everyday. 

Trump's election has also strained my mental state. I have spent much more time trying to get involved with organizations that see Trump and large corporate power threatening America, the very country I grew up in and devoting 36 years of service.   The apathy of American voters is sad.  The racial and bigoted blindness of Trump supporters is hurtful.  Hurtful because I thought America was better than that. I thought we had evolved from the days of slavery and the 1960s, but I know we have not. Trump supporters are wrapped in the cloak of racism and bigotry.  Trump supporters also picked race over country by being silent about Trump partnering up with Russia to influence and perhaps overthrow our government. This type of blind patriotism is not what is good for Democracy. 

Musically, I continue to work on songs, even if I am not getting rich. Introspectively, I also question how much I need fame, fortune, and crowd applause to feel complete, to feel enough.  I like to think that I am enough the way I am. I have all that is important and all that I need.  Someone to love me, several people to love back, and more things to do than I have a life for.  Unfortunately, moving my equipment 4 times a show is not as easy as when I was younger.   But, that is a manageable drawback. 

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